thankful that I'm incapable

It seems that God speaks to me the clearest when I'm taking a shower. I guess it's just part of the cleansing process that clears my mind of all the daily interruptions that get in the way of that still small voice. While I was in the shower yesterday morning a song came to my mind that I hadn't heard in a while. It's the song that's playing now on the playlist, Caedmon Call's "Thankful." I caught myself singing this song out of nowhere and decided to listen to the words more carefully. "I am thankful that I'm incapable of doing any good on my own." Wow. I needed to be reminded of that, big time. In fact, now that I listen to the song I realize that I was remembering they lyrics wrong earlier. In the shower I was singing, "I am thankful that I'm incapable of doing everything on my own." I think I needed to hear my revised version of the song. I believe this may very well be the first time I've admitted it, but here goes...I'm a control freak. I like everything to have order, everything to have its place, everything to be just right and just right to my standards. The pillows must be a certain way on the bed. I've actually gone behind Jon's bed making in the morning to amend the discrepancy. I like the place mats to be taken off the table after each meal and put away in the cabinet. I have a special place in the cabinet for the toaster and waffle maker where they must be put away after they've cooled. Toys have certain baskets, some labeled, and Mae has already perfected the art of knowing the appropriate place for specific toys. Now, I don't think it's wrong to have order and consistency. I also think it's important to keep a tidy house, especially when it's such tight living quarters and the smallest amount of clutter makes the space seem even tighter. It's just that when things are in their place, I feel like I can relax and feel like I've done my job. Jon calls me organized, clean, and a good decorator. I think he's being too kind. It makes me crazy that it takes only one of three meals or two snacks a day to make the kitchen a mess, and only a few minutes for Mae and Nate to cause a room to be whirled into chaos. It takes one day of not doing the laundry for the washer and dryer to disappear under the mounds of dirty clothes or a stain to set in for a lifetime. Not even a few hours after clearing off the counter tops or desk will there be another pile of papers and miscellaneous stuff. It's gotten to the point...especially this week with Jon putting up wainscoting in our hall bath, repainting the bathroom walls and repairing the moulding between working 48+ hours - on his spring break no less...that I have felt completely out of control and it's made me crazy. There have been other issues (deeper issues than pillows being fluffed and counters being clear) to arise lately that have made me realize that I am not the one who is capable of keeping things under control. When I can relinquish my need for order in every detail, give up my control freak badge and give my quiet moments to prayer things will go smoother and everyone will be at peace. Peace. I've been listening to Joyce Meyer's take on peace in the past few weeks and that has also made me realize that in order to get peace I need to give up my worries, my control issues and cast all my cares upon God to create peace in my life. Here's an excerpt from Joyce Meyers Everyday Answers:

God really does want to take care of us, but in order to let Him, we’ve got to stop trying to take care of ourselves and worrying about every little thing we can’t control. Many people would like for God to take care of them, but they insist on worrying or trying to figure out an answer on their own, instead of waiting for God’s direction. They wallow around in puddles of their own worry, wondering why God doesn’t give them peace. God will give us peace, but we must first give Him our worries.

The rest of the devotional can be read at: http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/Articles/art36.htm?&MSHiC=65001&L=10&W=PEACEABLE%20peace%20&Pre=%3CFONT%20STYLE%3D%22color%3A%20%23000000%3B%20background-color%3A%20%23FFFF00%22%3E&Post=%3C/FONT%3E

Today I will trade in my worries for God's peace and remember that "everything's going to be all right."